Guns & Magic

 

From today’s New York Times:

 

 

Imagine how much more/faster/better? they could write if they had a full keyboard…

 

-David

 

As is probably obvious by now, I’ve decided that “Clankie” is the story I’ll submit for the challenge. I posted Wednesday’s story mostly to provide a bit more “separation” from “Clankie”, so I could be more “fresh” when I edited it again. If that makes sense.

 

Today’s draft includes only a couple of significant changes. The first is that I moved the ticking “heart” of the clankie to his head, and called it a cortex. Which means I’ve now merged the warforged of Eberron with the warjacks of Iron Kingdoms. Sorta.

 

And I rearranged a bit of the material dealing with smell.

 

The rest was minor stuff. A word here, a phrase there.

 

I think this story is as done as I’m going to get it.

 

I’ll give it one more read-through tonight before I officially submit.

 

-David

 

GENRE – Fantasy

SUBJECT – Digging

 

by David Michael

 

The air of the trench always became thick just before the order came. From the arcane residue of the barrage roaring overhead, settling with the dust into the trench lines and dugouts, covering both men and forgéd. From the silence that underlay the noise of war.

 

From the fear? Like all of the forgéd warriors, Nin felt no fear. Forgéds felt nothing. They only waited, as still as statues of iron and wood and leather and bone, as if they would wait until the end of time.

 

How long would we wait? The thought surprised him. Nin wondered that he wondered. Of course they would wait. Time meant nothing to him. Time meant nothing to any of the forgéds. He and his brothers and sisters–his squadmates–his series and batch–other Nins or older Fearns or newer Getals–those created before him or with him or after him, one after the other in an oversized laboratory–would wait until the end of time, rusting and rotting as the magic of their crystalline cortexes ticked away one mote at a time, if the “standby” order were not rescinded nor followed by a new order.

 

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HERO System, Fifth Edition, Revised. Oh, yeah, you know I’m a geek now, eh? In case I had left any doubt…

 

I was really disappointed with back half of The Wheelman by Duane Swierczynski. I thought the book started out great and moved along at a violent pace. And then it went stupid. Coincidences ruled the day. Obviously moronic decisions became pivotal plot points. And in the end, all you had to show for it was … well … mostly the feeling that you had just wasted your time. The other Swierczynski book I read last year, The Blonde, had its faults, but it was much better than this one. Which makes sense, I guess. Since The Blonde came after The Wheelman.

 

-David

 

GENRE – Fantasy

SUBJECT – Digging

 

by David Michael

 

Roh jerked awake–

 

Or would have, except something large and heavy pressed down on his arms and legs and torso–which probably saved his head from exploding under the influence of one too many scotch and hold-the-sodas and several too many blows to the head–

 

Blows to the head? What had happened last night? He remembered girls–a redhead and a brunette–big smiles, wonderful eyes. Plunging silk over pleasing curves.

 

–and gasped, sucking in a great breath–

 

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I went over Saturday’s story today, working to incorporate the feedback I had received.

 

One of Susan’s comments was that the name “Aleph” was too close to “the beginning”. That is, she thought I should emphasize that the mechanical warriors had been out there getting hammered apart in place of men for a long time. Seemed reasonable to me.

 

Aleph is a misspelling of “alef”, the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet. That’s why I chose it. And it sounded cool. Unfortunately, the rest of the Hebrew alphabet didn’t seem to fit the story. Nor did the Greek alphabet. It sounded too modern. And so did the alpha-bravo-charlie military call alphabet. What I found, though, is the Ogham, an early medieval alphabet used to represent Old Irish.

 

One of the characters, Nion, used to be known as “Nin”, which stood for itself and for all alphabet characters. That, I decided, was perfect. And I used other characters to name units as well.

 

Next up was to make the story more overtly fantasy (because it really seemed more sci-fi than fantasy). I think I managed that by changing the name “mechanicals” to “forgéd”. And then offset some of that change when I had the idea that the human soldiers called them “clankies”. So, the story is still rather a mixed bag of fantasy, pulp and sci-if.

 

The rest of the changes were mostly “simple editing”.

 

I’m not entirely sure about the new name for the story (Susan has a tendency to dislike my story names; she didn’t like my first change to “Forgéd Time”; she hasn’t seen “Clankie” yet). Nor about the ending. I think I might need to add a couple more counts to the end. Or remove the last count altogether.

 

Overall, I think the story improved. I’ll give it another look-see later in the week.

 

-David

 

GENRE – Fantasy

SUBJECT – Digging

 

by David Michael

 

The air of the trench always became thick just before the order came. From the magic residue of the barrage roaring overhead, settling with the dust into the trench lines and dugouts, covering both men and forgéd. From the silence that underlay the noise of war.

 

From the fear? Like all of the forgéd warriors, Nin felt no fear. Forgéds felt nothing. They only waited, as still as statues of iron and wood and leather and bone, as if they would wait until the end of time.

 

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GENRE – Fantasy

SUBJECT – Digging

 

 

Agnes woke up pissed. Last night’s cheap wine still sloshed in her head after too short a sleep. And the high-pitched voices of the ninnies screaming outside the tent irritated her to instant crossness.

 

She hawked and spit over the side of her cot because not even soured wine and a bad case of morning mouth could cover the taste of men’s filth in her mouth. The solid tang! of the spittoon helped her focus.

 

The night before a battle was always the busiest as scared men with no control over their futures sought control or comfort or just one last chance to spend money they might not get another chance to fritter away. But the morning of the battle, when the men whipped out their dicks for the actual cockfight, that was supposed to her day off. She was supposed to be able to sleep in.

 

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Last night I received my official heat # and genre and subject for Short Story Challenge 2008.

 

I have one week to write a short story (no more than 2500 words) based on:

 

GENRE – Fantasy

SUBJECT – Digging

 

I decided last night that I wouldn’t write just one story. Instead, I’m going to write 4 or 5 stories and then pick the best one and submit that. My wife, Susan, will be helping me with critiques and advice. I tend to write my best when she’s doing that for me.

 

“Aleph Time”, written today in a bit over 3 hours, is my first attempt. I’m not sure if it qualifies as “fantasy”, but I definitely worked in “digging”. I had a lot of fun writing the story.

 

This is the first short story I’ve written since I closed A Short Story a Day. It felt good to write a short story again. I’m looking forward to the next week. I’m glad I signed up.

 

-David

 

The Wheelman by Duane Swierczynski.

 

-David